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Happy Birthday, Mr. President!

by J. Orlin Grabbe

Happy birthday, Mr. President!
August 19 is a date you share with Tipper Gore.
Imagine--two Leos in the same administration!
You didn't really mean what you said about
beating her husband to a pulp, did you?

You shouldn't pick on poor Al.
He finds it so hard to kiss ass in both directions.
Will Robert Strauss be at your birthday party?
And the two of you make up, all lovey dovey?
(Hah! No nose candy for him, I'll bet.)

If only Vince Foster were still around!
He was born January 15--a Capricorn.
Those people are good for taking care
of material things, like your financial affairs.
Or your wife, when you are out of town.

Wow! Fifteen pounds of seedless raspberry
preserves to go with the buttercream frosting!
Does it kind of remind you of what those
Iranians are going to look like when you
get done sending a message to them?

I sure hope there are no power blackouts
during your birthday party. I hear that's
why all those Hollywood celebrities turned
down your birthday invitation. They were
afraid there wouldn't be any limelight to hog.

If only John Wayne could be there!
But, then, John Wayne never did like
riding horses, any more than you do.
Didn't Carroll Quigley say never to pass
up a royal equestrian photo op?

If only Ron Brown could be there!
Then maybe he could be the multi-cultural
M.C. instead of Whoopi Goldberg.
She so bored us all at the Oscar presentations.
But poor Brown's plane went down.

If I were you I would leave no Livingstone
unturned to find out what happened there.
Happy Birthday, Mr President!
Hope you raise a lot of money and meet a
lot of Rockettes there at Radio City Music Hall.

I hear you need the money for media purposes.
A lot of reporters are unhappy these days. They
want to write about what's been happening in the
White House, but their editors won't let them.
Aren't you glad you created that Big Brother data base?

Above all, don't think about resigning.
You have the future of Chelsea and the
American Republic to consider!
Listen to your dear wife Hillary, or Mrs. President.
After all, she's never led you astray before, has she?

I saw her walking one day, the Secret Service agents
carefully keeping fifteen paces behind, like some
Islamic wives following their husbands. I sure hope
she doesn't turn into a terrorist, on this,
your happiest fiftieth birthday, Mr. President!

August 18, 1996
Web Page: http://www.aci.net/kalliste/