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What if Clinton Never Returned?

by J. Orlin Grabbe

What if Bill and Hillary Clinton never returned from their current trip to Asia? Think of the advantages.

Hillary ("Mrs. President") could become another Imelda-Marcos-in-exile, showing up at the Indonesian equivalent of Petrossians or Le Cirque with bodyguards and expensive perfume, bemoaning the loss of her choice of shoes and hairdressers.

On the other hand, she wouldn't have to answer nasty questions about her relationship to the hiring of Craig Livingstone (the White House security chief who collected FBI files on Clinton's political enemies), to the hiring of John Huang (the former Lippo executive who collected millions in illegal contributions while at Commerce and the DNC, and who may have been part of a Chinese spy ring), to the hiring of Tobi Gati (the Assistant Secretary of State for Intelligence, who apparently has ties to the Hungarian intelligence service), and to the death of Vince Foster (Hillary's compatriot in selling information to the Mossad).

Bill ("Mr. President") could find all his favorite Tyson Foods' tidbits at the local McDonalds, and could go on shopping sprees at the Jakarta Wal-Mart (they do have one, don't they?), or could spend his days playing golf with James Riady.

That way we wouldn't have to look at his heavily made-up face on the daily TV screen.

"I've been up past midnight every night since the election, and stayed up until 1 a.m. last night," Clinton told reporters aboard Air Force One on Friday, on his way to Hawaii. Well, yes, it is amazing what cocaine will do to the sleep cycle.

Clinton's deputy national security advisor Samuel Berger said the past week: "For this president, elevating our engagement with an Asia that is emerging in importance has been a priority in his first term, and it will be, I believe, of even greater importance in his second term." That is, Clinton plans to send out even more emissaries like John Huang to collect even greater amounts of illegal money for the DNC, or to be placed in offshore accounts for Clinton's retirement fund.

On his weekly radio address, referring to the sending of U.S. troops to Zaire, Clinton said: "As the world's most powerful nation, we cannot turn our back when so many people, especially so many innocent children, are at mortal risk." I wonder why he doesn't simply send over the FBI? They can fry the children to a crisp, like they did at the Branch Davidian compound near Waco, and then we won't have to concern ourselves with them anymore.

On his way to Manila, Clinton will stop in Australia to give a speech to Parliament. Clinton likes making speeches--it's the only thing he knows how to do. Then he will inspect the Great Barrier Reef to determine if coral is the right building material for that Bridge to the 21st Century. Next he will play a round of golf with golf professional Greg Norman, and will lie about his golf prowess. Finally, he will make a one-day visit to Thailand, where he plans to do lines of coke off the torso of one of Bangkok's finest hookers.

Clinton is scheduled to return to Washington the day before Thankgiving. But he really shouldn't bother. America doesn't need turkeys like him.

November 17, 1996
Web Page: http://www.aci.net/kalliste/