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Wars and Rumors of War

by J. Orlin Grabbe

Clinton continues to escalate the Iraqi phase of his 1996 Presidential Election Campaign. Either five or seven F117 Stealth fighter planes were dispatched to Kuwait today from Ft. Bragg, North Carolina. Kuwait was the only country in the region that would allow the U.S. to use its airstrips in its little foray into Iraq. The more the public sees of Saddam Hussein's face, Clinton figures, the less they will notice the silly putty undulating in his own.

I reported that Hillary Clinton was plotting with three government thugs from I3 to kill competitor Dick Morris. I said I3 worked for the Pentagon. Some wanted to know if I really meant J3, the Operations Directorate of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. No, I3 is not J3. Further checking shows that I3 is actually part of the National Security Agency (NSA). I am told that anyone in covert operations at a reasonable high level knows about I3. (Ask your friendly neighborhood spook to fill you in on what they do.)

Will Bill Clinton issue blanket pardons to convicted Whitewater and other felons? Perhaps he would try, if he could resign his office and face no time himself. But I hear he has about 100 years lined up ahead of him, if he wants to play hardball. I suspect that Bill will not try too much funny stuff, but will be extremely cooperative in any way that will reduce his personal time spent in the calaboose (even though you can get all the drugs you need in federal prison these days).

I watched Susan McDougal's little performance on T.V. I suspect her lawyer expects to be well-rewarded for this PR performance on behalf of Bill Clinton. Meanwhile, Susan put on her makeup and metal cuffs, and went to jail. All her huffing and puffing was based on one gripe: no one had offered her a deal. So she made up the deal she wished she had been offered, and then dramatically turned it down in a burst of publicity. She played her role okay, but I thought Steve Reeves was much more impressive in Hercules Unchained.

There is probably a lesson for Bill Clinton in all this. But a few extra lines of coke should take away those blues.

September 11, 1996
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