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Top Ten Reasons Bill Clinton Resigned

by J. Orlin Grabbe

1. He couldn't stand the thought of Dick Morris writing Kenneth Starr's speeches also.

2. Now that he's defeated Saddam Hussein, there's nothing more left to do.

3. Hillary asked I-3 to kill all the women who had ever given Bill a blowjob, and Dee Dee Myers threatened to go public.

4. Christopher Reeves chained himself to the White House fence.

5. His nose fell off.

6. He thought he would leave while he could still sneak out the back door of the White House "Big Brother" data base.

7. The First Lady wanted to get pregnant.

8. Al Gore promised a pardon if Bill would hoe up all the weeds in Gore's tobacco field.

9. He waited at the Clarion Inn in Fayetteville for three days and three nights, but Woody Basset didn't show up with any blow.

10. He wanted to spend more time with his family.

September 10, 1996
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